who has the upper hand
These days, if you're going to say that men can do something
better than women — or vice versa — you'd better have scientific
proof or you're going to catch some serious flak. Here's the
research behind the surprising ways we continue to outdo each
other — and how to even the score
By Nicole Beland
You come home from work to find your guy pulling salmon fillets out of the broiler
while Condi Rice talks arms deals on CNN. So it's easy to think there's nothing men
and women can't do equally well. But while that's true for lots of things, it's by no
means true for all. We did our research and were surprised by who still has — or
doesn't have — the advantage. "Some skills, like women's proficiency at language and
men's ability to gauge distance and direction, evolved 4 million years ago and won't
change anytime soon," says Helen Fisher, Ph.D., professor of anthropology at Rutgers
University. But other things, like who has more leisure time — hint: wombs have a way
of keeping us busier — can, and hopefully will, even out. Whatever happens, Dr. Fisher
suggests that we avoid viewing it as a competition. (Who, us? Never!) "When it comes
to the biological stuff, male and female strengths complement each other," she says.
Duly noted. But at this particular moment in 2006, here's who still has an edge and
what you can do to sharpen yours.
Getting to the Gym
MEN
Both sexes cite the same obstacles to exercise: not enough time, energy, or motivation.
But in a St. Louis University study of almost 2,000 people, women reported those
obstacles more often. Makes sense, since we're typically the ones reading Dr. Seuss to
our kids while Swiffering the kitchen floor. According to a Washington Post survey of
4,000 men and women, wives with full-time jobs still do twice the amount of
housework as their husbands. No wonder hitting the gym daily seems like a joke.
To Break a Sweat on a Regular Basis
Memorize this: Exercise equals fuel. "Working out gives you the energy you need to get
everything else done," says Nicholas DiNubile, M.D., a sports medicine consultant and
author of Framework. "It boosts circulation, triggers endorphin release, and improves
sleep, all of which translates to more get-up-and-go." Skipping the gym just makes life
harder. How to make it happen? "Take note of the times during the previous month
when you did manage to squeeze in a workout," advises Julie Morgenstern, a time-
management expert and author of Never Check E-Mail in the Morning. "Then block out
three similar time slots and declare yourself unavailable to anyone." That may take
hiring a babysitter or a housekeeper. Before you decide you can't afford it, consider that
making the time to exercise will pay off in more energy to devote to your quest for the
corner office.
Holding Their Liquor
WOMEN
At any given bar, chances are the person trying to lead the entire room in a sing-along
of "Everybody Wang Chung Tonight" is your boyfriend, not you. Kentucky University
researchers found that men's loss of inhibition is three times greater than women's,
even when their blood alcohol levels are the same. "The fact that women report feeling
sedated after drinking, while men feel stimulated, leads me to believe that male and
female brains may respond to alcohol differently," says study author Mark Fillmore, Ph.
D. He also points out that men are socialized to be rowdy and careless when drinking,
whereas women are warned to be on guard.
To Drink to Your Health
Drinking one alcoholic beverage a day can benefit the heart and circulatory system. So
chin-chin! But any more and the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. To stick to a
serving of booze when you're out for hours, try ordering a full-bodied red wine, like a
cabernet, says Jennifer Vimbor, R.D., a New York nutritionist. "The strong flavor lets
you sip slowly, and you get the health benefits of antioxidants," she says.
Staying Happy
MEN
Women have about twice the rate of depression men do. Call it the curse of
connectedness. "In our society women are more emotionally involved in relationships
and therefore more negatively affected by other people's problems and tragedies," says
Ronald Kessler, Ph.D., a professor of health-care policy at Harvard Medical School.
To Ward Off Big Woes
"When something bad happens it's normal to feel down about it," says Dr. Kessler. But
if you're prone to bigger blues, you can reduce the odds of becoming clinically
depressed by not biting off more than you can chew, socially or at work. "When you
repeatedly try to do too much, you become overwhelmed," Dr. Kessler says. "That
feeling can spiral into a sense of helplessness that leads to clinical depression." It's
better to underestimate the number of errands you can run in a day, not to pick up the
phone when a needy friend calls again, and to ask for — even demand — help when
you need it. Accept this and you'll be happier than you would trying to be superwoman.
Lording Over the Office
IT'S A TIE
A 2000 Gallup poll found that about 75 percent of workers rate their boss "excellent" or
"good," regardless of whether that person is male or female. But the sexes win their
staffs over differently. A woman's nurturing and listening skills "raise staff morale and
improve communication," Dr. Fisher says. When it's time to close the deal, men prevail.
"Men are less likely to consider everyone's input, but because they tend to be more
action-oriented and direct, they're often better at getting things done," she says.
To Be a Better Boss
Get to the bottom line faster. "[Know] exactly what you want to accomplish before you
walk into a meeting, as well as your stance on the issues," says Deborah Kolb, Ph.D., a
gender expert and author of Everyday Negotiation. "And don't let the conversation veer
off course. Let people make their point but then move on quickly." The best way to cut
someone off midsentence is to say her name, according to Jacqueline Whitmore, author
of Business Class. Then, thank her for the great input and steer right back to the
original issue.
Enduring Traffic Jams
MEN
That middle finger sticking out of the Volvo in the next lane is probably a manicured
one. A Central Michigan University study of 97 professional men and women found
that as women moved up the ladder they were more likely to experience road rage. The
opposite was true of guys. Women may have less patience for people who get in their
way because they've had to overcome so many other obstacles, says study author
Nancy Herman, Ph.D.
To Not Get Driven Crazy
Sip peppermint tea or sprinkle cinnamon on your latte (caffeine not required).
Researchers at Wheeling Jesuit University found that drivers exposed to puffs of
cinnamon or peppermint — which have calming effects on the central nervous system
— remained alert but reported less frustration. Another option? "Do something
completely incompatible with your anger," says Diane Nahl, Ph.D., coauthor of Road
Rage and Aggressive Driving. Sounds ridiculous, but making funny animal noises —
baa, meow — will defuse frustration. Really.
Reading People's Minds
WOMEN
Females communicating are like fish swimming — we're hardwired for it. "More areas
of the female brain are devoted to processing and producing language than the male
brain," says David Geary, Ph.D., professor of psychological sciences at the University
of Missouri. For example, guys use only one hemisphere of their brains when listening,
while women use both. So we're much better at picking up subtle changes in voice tone
and body language that reveal how someone is feeling. Men can and do tune in — it just
takes more effort.
To Talk To a Man With a Short Attention Span
Geary suggests: 1) Announce you have something important to say so he'll make more
of an effort to listen. 2) Keep it short. 3) Do something that illustrates your point — for
example, demonstrating how to hang up a wet towel, instead of leaving it on the floor.
4) If it's an emotional issue, talk while driving or walking — men often have an easier
time communicating if they're engaged in another activity. 5) Sit next to him — a direct
stare can whip a guy's inner caveman into a panic.
Assembling IKEA Furniture
IT'S A TIE
In labs around the country, gender specialists have put men and women through
problem-solving tests that look something like the SAT of your worst nightmare. The
results? Turns out that men have superior spatial relation skills that make it much easier
for them to rotate three-dimensional objects in their heads, according to Doreen
Kimura, Ph.D., psychologist and author of Sex and Cognition. But when it comes to
tasks requiring fine motor skills, like carefully inserting small pegs into a board, women
rock. Put the skill sets together and what do you have? A HENSVIK bookcase for
$49.99!
To Not Kill Each Other While Assembling Furniture
The fact that women are better at reading between the lines is directly related to how
much you want to strangle your significant other while working on a complicated
project. "You'll be holding two boards together and your partner will fail to see what
seems obvious to you — you need the f-ing glue!" says Kathy Marshack, Ph.D., author
of Entrepreneurial Couples. "But he can't read your mind." To keep from getting pissed
at him, remind yourself that there's another, bigger goal: having a good time together.
The next time he puts an entire desk together upside down, just point and laugh.
Remembering What Happened
WOMEN
Especially if it gets under our skin. In a study at the State University of New York at
Stony Brook, researchers used an MRI to monitor the brains of men and women while
they viewed negative images (dismembered bodies) or neutral ones (someone mowing a
lawn). Three weeks later they gave the subjects a pop quiz. Women remembered the
emotionally disturbing images more readily, and no less than nine areas of the female
brain lit up while processing those memories. The men rated the nasty pictures as less
upsetting, and only two sectors of their brains activated.
To Forget
Given that the key factor in whether a memory sticks is how emotional it is, the trick to
letting an unpleasant one go is to drain it of emotion. The best way? Talk about it with
someone supportive. "It's called habituation, and it's the reason why talk therapy and
group therapy help people get over negative experiences," says Elizabeth Loftus, Ph.D.,
a memory expert and professor of psychology and cognitive sciences at the University
of California at Irvine. "When you talk about something, you mentally examine your
thoughts and reactions." That helps to transform an emotional memory into something
intellectual and therefore less powerful.
Having An Affair
NEITHER
Nowadays, a two-timing cad is as likely to experience emotional distress and loss of
credibility as an unfaithful woman. "Women are gaining as much power in society as
men, so their disapproval resonates," Dr. Fisher says. When a man cheats, he's
considered a creep — cigars and blue dresses, anyone? And now that women are
regularly contributing half or more of the total family income, if a man strays and ruins
his marriage, he's just as likely to suffer financial distress. For both men and women,
cheating can lead to total life upheaval.
To Stay Faithful
"[Don't believe] the illusion that love is so rock solid that it doesn't need to be
protected," says Jackie Black, Ph.D., a psychologist in California. Be defensive.
"Between initial attraction and taking your clothes off are a million little steps," Dr.
Black says. Each is a chance to consider whether an affair is worth giving up what you
already have.
Appeared in the May 2006 issue of Women's Health
These days, if you're going to say that men can do something
better than women — or vice versa — you'd better have scientific
proof or you're going to catch some serious flak. Here's the
research behind the surprising ways we continue to outdo each
other — and how to even the score
By Nicole Beland
You come home from work to find your guy pulling salmon fillets out of the broiler
while Condi Rice talks arms deals on CNN. So it's easy to think there's nothing men
and women can't do equally well. But while that's true for lots of things, it's by no
means true for all. We did our research and were surprised by who still has — or
doesn't have — the advantage. "Some skills, like women's proficiency at language and
men's ability to gauge distance and direction, evolved 4 million years ago and won't
change anytime soon," says Helen Fisher, Ph.D., professor of anthropology at Rutgers
University. But other things, like who has more leisure time — hint: wombs have a way
of keeping us busier — can, and hopefully will, even out. Whatever happens, Dr. Fisher
suggests that we avoid viewing it as a competition. (Who, us? Never!) "When it comes
to the biological stuff, male and female strengths complement each other," she says.
Duly noted. But at this particular moment in 2006, here's who still has an edge and
what you can do to sharpen yours.
Getting to the Gym
MEN
Both sexes cite the same obstacles to exercise: not enough time, energy, or motivation.
But in a St. Louis University study of almost 2,000 people, women reported those
obstacles more often. Makes sense, since we're typically the ones reading Dr. Seuss to
our kids while Swiffering the kitchen floor. According to a Washington Post survey of
4,000 men and women, wives with full-time jobs still do twice the amount of
housework as their husbands. No wonder hitting the gym daily seems like a joke.
To Break a Sweat on a Regular Basis
Memorize this: Exercise equals fuel. "Working out gives you the energy you need to get
everything else done," says Nicholas DiNubile, M.D., a sports medicine consultant and
author of Framework. "It boosts circulation, triggers endorphin release, and improves
sleep, all of which translates to more get-up-and-go." Skipping the gym just makes life
harder. How to make it happen? "Take note of the times during the previous month
when you did manage to squeeze in a workout," advises Julie Morgenstern, a time-
management expert and author of Never Check E-Mail in the Morning. "Then block out
three similar time slots and declare yourself unavailable to anyone." That may take
hiring a babysitter or a housekeeper. Before you decide you can't afford it, consider that
making the time to exercise will pay off in more energy to devote to your quest for the
corner office.
Holding Their Liquor
WOMEN
At any given bar, chances are the person trying to lead the entire room in a sing-along
of "Everybody Wang Chung Tonight" is your boyfriend, not you. Kentucky University
researchers found that men's loss of inhibition is three times greater than women's,
even when their blood alcohol levels are the same. "The fact that women report feeling
sedated after drinking, while men feel stimulated, leads me to believe that male and
female brains may respond to alcohol differently," says study author Mark Fillmore, Ph.
D. He also points out that men are socialized to be rowdy and careless when drinking,
whereas women are warned to be on guard.
To Drink to Your Health
Drinking one alcoholic beverage a day can benefit the heart and circulatory system. So
chin-chin! But any more and the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. To stick to a
serving of booze when you're out for hours, try ordering a full-bodied red wine, like a
cabernet, says Jennifer Vimbor, R.D., a New York nutritionist. "The strong flavor lets
you sip slowly, and you get the health benefits of antioxidants," she says.
Staying Happy
MEN
Women have about twice the rate of depression men do. Call it the curse of
connectedness. "In our society women are more emotionally involved in relationships
and therefore more negatively affected by other people's problems and tragedies," says
Ronald Kessler, Ph.D., a professor of health-care policy at Harvard Medical School.
To Ward Off Big Woes
"When something bad happens it's normal to feel down about it," says Dr. Kessler. But
if you're prone to bigger blues, you can reduce the odds of becoming clinically
depressed by not biting off more than you can chew, socially or at work. "When you
repeatedly try to do too much, you become overwhelmed," Dr. Kessler says. "That
feeling can spiral into a sense of helplessness that leads to clinical depression." It's
better to underestimate the number of errands you can run in a day, not to pick up the
phone when a needy friend calls again, and to ask for — even demand — help when
you need it. Accept this and you'll be happier than you would trying to be superwoman.
Lording Over the Office
IT'S A TIE
A 2000 Gallup poll found that about 75 percent of workers rate their boss "excellent" or
"good," regardless of whether that person is male or female. But the sexes win their
staffs over differently. A woman's nurturing and listening skills "raise staff morale and
improve communication," Dr. Fisher says. When it's time to close the deal, men prevail.
"Men are less likely to consider everyone's input, but because they tend to be more
action-oriented and direct, they're often better at getting things done," she says.
To Be a Better Boss
Get to the bottom line faster. "[Know] exactly what you want to accomplish before you
walk into a meeting, as well as your stance on the issues," says Deborah Kolb, Ph.D., a
gender expert and author of Everyday Negotiation. "And don't let the conversation veer
off course. Let people make their point but then move on quickly." The best way to cut
someone off midsentence is to say her name, according to Jacqueline Whitmore, author
of Business Class. Then, thank her for the great input and steer right back to the
original issue.
Enduring Traffic Jams
MEN
That middle finger sticking out of the Volvo in the next lane is probably a manicured
one. A Central Michigan University study of 97 professional men and women found
that as women moved up the ladder they were more likely to experience road rage. The
opposite was true of guys. Women may have less patience for people who get in their
way because they've had to overcome so many other obstacles, says study author
Nancy Herman, Ph.D.
To Not Get Driven Crazy
Sip peppermint tea or sprinkle cinnamon on your latte (caffeine not required).
Researchers at Wheeling Jesuit University found that drivers exposed to puffs of
cinnamon or peppermint — which have calming effects on the central nervous system
— remained alert but reported less frustration. Another option? "Do something
completely incompatible with your anger," says Diane Nahl, Ph.D., coauthor of Road
Rage and Aggressive Driving. Sounds ridiculous, but making funny animal noises —
baa, meow — will defuse frustration. Really.
Reading People's Minds
WOMEN
Females communicating are like fish swimming — we're hardwired for it. "More areas
of the female brain are devoted to processing and producing language than the male
brain," says David Geary, Ph.D., professor of psychological sciences at the University
of Missouri. For example, guys use only one hemisphere of their brains when listening,
while women use both. So we're much better at picking up subtle changes in voice tone
and body language that reveal how someone is feeling. Men can and do tune in — it just
takes more effort.
To Talk To a Man With a Short Attention Span
Geary suggests: 1) Announce you have something important to say so he'll make more
of an effort to listen. 2) Keep it short. 3) Do something that illustrates your point — for
example, demonstrating how to hang up a wet towel, instead of leaving it on the floor.
4) If it's an emotional issue, talk while driving or walking — men often have an easier
time communicating if they're engaged in another activity. 5) Sit next to him — a direct
stare can whip a guy's inner caveman into a panic.
Assembling IKEA Furniture
IT'S A TIE
In labs around the country, gender specialists have put men and women through
problem-solving tests that look something like the SAT of your worst nightmare. The
results? Turns out that men have superior spatial relation skills that make it much easier
for them to rotate three-dimensional objects in their heads, according to Doreen
Kimura, Ph.D., psychologist and author of Sex and Cognition. But when it comes to
tasks requiring fine motor skills, like carefully inserting small pegs into a board, women
rock. Put the skill sets together and what do you have? A HENSVIK bookcase for
$49.99!
To Not Kill Each Other While Assembling Furniture
The fact that women are better at reading between the lines is directly related to how
much you want to strangle your significant other while working on a complicated
project. "You'll be holding two boards together and your partner will fail to see what
seems obvious to you — you need the f-ing glue!" says Kathy Marshack, Ph.D., author
of Entrepreneurial Couples. "But he can't read your mind." To keep from getting pissed
at him, remind yourself that there's another, bigger goal: having a good time together.
The next time he puts an entire desk together upside down, just point and laugh.
Remembering What Happened
WOMEN
Especially if it gets under our skin. In a study at the State University of New York at
Stony Brook, researchers used an MRI to monitor the brains of men and women while
they viewed negative images (dismembered bodies) or neutral ones (someone mowing a
lawn). Three weeks later they gave the subjects a pop quiz. Women remembered the
emotionally disturbing images more readily, and no less than nine areas of the female
brain lit up while processing those memories. The men rated the nasty pictures as less
upsetting, and only two sectors of their brains activated.
To Forget
Given that the key factor in whether a memory sticks is how emotional it is, the trick to
letting an unpleasant one go is to drain it of emotion. The best way? Talk about it with
someone supportive. "It's called habituation, and it's the reason why talk therapy and
group therapy help people get over negative experiences," says Elizabeth Loftus, Ph.D.,
a memory expert and professor of psychology and cognitive sciences at the University
of California at Irvine. "When you talk about something, you mentally examine your
thoughts and reactions." That helps to transform an emotional memory into something
intellectual and therefore less powerful.
Having An Affair
NEITHER
Nowadays, a two-timing cad is as likely to experience emotional distress and loss of
credibility as an unfaithful woman. "Women are gaining as much power in society as
men, so their disapproval resonates," Dr. Fisher says. When a man cheats, he's
considered a creep — cigars and blue dresses, anyone? And now that women are
regularly contributing half or more of the total family income, if a man strays and ruins
his marriage, he's just as likely to suffer financial distress. For both men and women,
cheating can lead to total life upheaval.
To Stay Faithful
"[Don't believe] the illusion that love is so rock solid that it doesn't need to be
protected," says Jackie Black, Ph.D., a psychologist in California. Be defensive.
"Between initial attraction and taking your clothes off are a million little steps," Dr.
Black says. Each is a chance to consider whether an affair is worth giving up what you
already have.
Appeared in the May 2006 issue of Women's Health
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| NUTRITION COUNSELING SERVICES |
