who has the upper hand
These days, if you're going to say that men can do something better than women — or vice
versa — you'd better have scientific proof or you're going to catch some serious flak. Here's
the research behind the surprising ways we continue to outdo each other — and how to even
the score
By Nicole Beland
You come home from work to find your guy pulling salmon fillets out of the broiler while Condi Rice talks arms deals on
CNN. So it's easy to think there's nothing men and women can't do equally well. But while that's true for lots of things, it's
by no means true for all. We did our research and were surprised by who still has — or doesn't have — the advantage.
"Some skills, like women's proficiency at language and men's ability to gauge distance and direction, evolved 4 million years
ago and won't change anytime soon," says Helen Fisher, Ph.D., professor of anthropology at Rutgers University. But other
things, like who has more leisure time — hint: wombs have a way of keeping us busier — can, and hopefully will, even out.
Whatever happens, Dr. Fisher suggests that we avoid viewing it as a competition. (Who, us? Never!) "When it comes to the
biological stuff, male and female strengths complement each other," she says. Duly noted. But at this particular moment in
2006, here's who still has an edge and what you can do to sharpen yours.
Getting to the Gym
MEN
Both sexes cite the same obstacles to exercise: not enough time, energy, or motivation. But in a St. Louis University study of
almost 2,000 people, women reported those obstacles more often. Makes sense, since we're typically the ones reading Dr.
Seuss to our kids while Swiffering the kitchen floor. According to a Washington Post survey of 4,000 men and women,
wives with full-time jobs still do twice the amount of housework as their husbands. No wonder hitting the gym daily seems
like a joke.
To Break a Sweat on a Regular Basis
Memorize this: Exercise equals fuel. "Working out gives you the energy you need to get everything else done," says Nicholas
DiNubile, M.D., a sports medicine consultant and author of Framework. "It boosts circulation, triggers endorphin release,
and improves sleep, all of which translates to more get-up-and-go." Skipping the gym just makes life harder. How to make it
happen? "Take note of the times during the previous month when you did manage to squeeze in a workout," advises Julie
Morgenstern, a time-management expert and author of Never Check E-Mail in the Morning. "Then block out three similar
time slots and declare yourself unavailable to anyone." That may take hiring a babysitter or a housekeeper. Before you decide
you can't afford it, consider that making the time to exercise will pay off in more energy to devote to your quest for the
corner office.
Holding Their Liquor
WOMEN
At any given bar, chances are the person trying to lead the entire room in a sing-along of "Everybody Wang Chung Tonight"
is your boyfriend, not you. Kentucky University researchers found that men's loss of inhibition is three times greater than
women's, even when their blood alcohol levels are the same. "The fact that women report feeling sedated after drinking,
while men feel stimulated, leads me to believe that male and female brains may respond to alcohol differently," says study
author Mark Fillmore, Ph.D. He also points out that men are socialized to be rowdy and careless when drinking, whereas
women are warned to be on guard.
To Drink to Your Health
Drinking one alcoholic beverage a day can benefit the heart and circulatory system. So chin-chin! But any more and the
drawbacks outweigh the benefits. To stick to a serving of booze when you're out for hours, try ordering a full-bodied red
wine, like a cabernet, says Jennifer Vimbor, R.D., a New York nutritionist. "The strong flavor lets you sip slowly, and you
get the health benefits of antioxidants," she says.
Staying Happy
MEN
Women have about twice the rate of depression men do. Call it the curse of connectedness. "In our society women are more
emotionally involved in relationships and therefore more negatively affected by other people's problems and tragedies," says
Ronald Kessler, Ph.D., a professor of health-care policy at Harvard Medical School.
To Ward Off Big Woes
"When something bad happens it's normal to feel down about it," says Dr. Kessler. But if you're prone to bigger blues, you
can reduce the odds of becoming clinically depressed by not biting off more than you can chew, socially or at work. "When
you repeatedly try to do too much, you become overwhelmed," Dr. Kessler says. "That feeling can spiral into a sense of
helplessness that leads to clinical depression." It's better to underestimate the number of errands you can run in a day, not to
pick up the phone when a needy friend calls again, and to ask for — even demand — help when you need it. Accept this and
you'll be happier than you would trying to be superwoman.
Lording Over the Office
IT'S A TIE
A 2000 Gallup poll found that about 75 percent of workers rate their boss "excellent" or "good," regardless of whether that
person is male or female. But the sexes win their staffs over differently. A woman's nurturing and listening skills "raise staff
morale and improve communication," Dr. Fisher says. When it's time to close the deal, men prevail. "Men are less likely to
consider everyone's input, but because they tend to be more action-oriented and direct, they're often better at getting things
done," she says.
To Be a Better Boss
Get to the bottom line faster. "[Know] exactly what you want to accomplish before you walk into a meeting, as well as your
stance on the issues," says Deborah Kolb, Ph.D., a gender expert and author of Everyday Negotiation. "And don't let the
conversation veer off course. Let people make their point but then move on quickly." The best way to cut someone off
midsentence is to say her name, according to Jacqueline Whitmore, author of Business Class. Then, thank her for the great
input and steer right back to the original issue.
Enduring Traffic Jams
MEN
That middle finger sticking out of the Volvo in the next lane is probably a manicured one. A Central Michigan University
study of 97 professional men and women found that as women moved up the ladder they were more likely to experience
road rage. The opposite was true of guys. Women may have less patience for people who get in their way because they've
had to overcome so many other obstacles, says study author Nancy Herman, Ph.D.
To Not Get Driven Crazy
Sip peppermint tea or sprinkle cinnamon on your latte (caffeine not required). Researchers at Wheeling Jesuit University
found that drivers exposed to puffs of cinnamon or peppermint — which have calming effects on the central nervous system
— remained alert but reported less frustration. Another option? "Do something completely incompatible with your anger,"
says Diane Nahl, Ph.D., coauthor of Road Rage and Aggressive Driving. Sounds ridiculous, but making funny animal noises
— baa, meow — will defuse frustration. Really.
Reading People's Minds
WOMEN
Females communicating are like fish swimming — we're hardwired for it. "More areas of the female brain are devoted to
processing and producing language than the male brain," says David Geary, Ph.D., professor of psychological sciences at the
University of Missouri. For example, guys use only one hemisphere of their brains when listening, while women use both. So
we're much better at picking up subtle changes in voice tone and body language that reveal how someone is feeling. Men can
and do tune in — it just takes more effort.
To Talk To a Man With a Short Attention Span
Geary suggests: 1) Announce you have something important to say so he'll make more of an effort to listen. 2) Keep it short.
3) Do something that illustrates your point — for example, demonstrating how to hang up a wet towel, instead of leaving it
on the floor. 4) If it's an emotional issue, talk while driving or walking — men often have an easier time communicating if
they're engaged in another activity. 5) Sit next to him — a direct stare can whip a guy's inner caveman into a panic.
Assembling IKEA Furniture
IT'S A TIE
In labs around the country, gender specialists have put men and women through problem-solving tests that look something
like the SAT of your worst nightmare. The results? Turns out that men have superior spatial relation skills that make it much
easier for them to rotate three-dimensional objects in their heads, according to Doreen Kimura, Ph.D., psychologist and
author of Sex and Cognition. But when it comes to tasks requiring fine motor skills, like carefully inserting small pegs into a
board, women rock. Put the skill sets together and what do you have? A HENSVIK bookcase for $49.99!
To Not Kill Each Other While Assembling Furniture
The fact that women are better at reading between the lines is directly related to how much you want to strangle your
significant other while working on a complicated project. "You'll be holding two boards together and your partner will fail to
see what seems obvious to you — you need the f-ing glue!" says Kathy Marshack, Ph.D., author of Entrepreneurial Couples.
"But he can't read your mind." To keep from getting pissed at him, remind yourself that there's another, bigger goal: having a
good time together. The next time he puts an entire desk together upside down, just point and laugh.
Remembering What Happened
WOMEN
Especially if it gets under our skin. In a study at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, researchers used an MRI
to monitor the brains of men and women while they viewed negative images (dismembered bodies) or neutral ones (someone
mowing a lawn). Three weeks later they gave the subjects a pop quiz. Women remembered the emotionally disturbing images
more readily, and no less than nine areas of the female brain lit up while processing those memories. The men rated the nasty
pictures as less upsetting, and only two sectors of their brains activated.
To Forget
Given that the key factor in whether a memory sticks is how emotional it is, the trick to letting an unpleasant one go is to
drain it of emotion. The best way? Talk about it with someone supportive. "It's called habituation, and it's the reason why talk
therapy and group therapy help people get over negative experiences," says Elizabeth Loftus, Ph.D., a memory expert and
professor of psychology and cognitive sciences at the University of California at Irvine. "When you talk about something,
you mentally examine your thoughts and reactions." That helps to transform an emotional memory into something intellectual
and therefore less powerful.
Having An Affair
NEITHER
Nowadays, a two-timing cad is as likely to experience emotional distress and loss of credibility as an unfaithful woman.
"Women are gaining as much power in society as men, so their disapproval resonates," Dr. Fisher says. When a man cheats,
he's considered a creep — cigars and blue dresses, anyone? And now that women are regularly contributing half or more of
the total family income, if a man strays and ruins his marriage, he's just as likely to suffer financial distress. For both men
and women, cheating can lead to total life upheaval.
To Stay Faithful
"[Don't believe] the illusion that love is so rock solid that it doesn't need to be protected," says Jackie Black, Ph.D., a
psychologist in California. Be defensive. "Between initial attraction and taking your clothes off are a million little steps," Dr.
Black says. Each is a chance to consider whether an affair is worth giving up what you already have.
Appeared in the May 2006 issue of Women's Health
These days, if you're going to say that men can do something better than women — or vice
versa — you'd better have scientific proof or you're going to catch some serious flak. Here's
the research behind the surprising ways we continue to outdo each other — and how to even
the score
By Nicole Beland
You come home from work to find your guy pulling salmon fillets out of the broiler while Condi Rice talks arms deals on
CNN. So it's easy to think there's nothing men and women can't do equally well. But while that's true for lots of things, it's
by no means true for all. We did our research and were surprised by who still has — or doesn't have — the advantage.
"Some skills, like women's proficiency at language and men's ability to gauge distance and direction, evolved 4 million years
ago and won't change anytime soon," says Helen Fisher, Ph.D., professor of anthropology at Rutgers University. But other
things, like who has more leisure time — hint: wombs have a way of keeping us busier — can, and hopefully will, even out.
Whatever happens, Dr. Fisher suggests that we avoid viewing it as a competition. (Who, us? Never!) "When it comes to the
biological stuff, male and female strengths complement each other," she says. Duly noted. But at this particular moment in
2006, here's who still has an edge and what you can do to sharpen yours.
Getting to the Gym
MEN
Both sexes cite the same obstacles to exercise: not enough time, energy, or motivation. But in a St. Louis University study of
almost 2,000 people, women reported those obstacles more often. Makes sense, since we're typically the ones reading Dr.
Seuss to our kids while Swiffering the kitchen floor. According to a Washington Post survey of 4,000 men and women,
wives with full-time jobs still do twice the amount of housework as their husbands. No wonder hitting the gym daily seems
like a joke.
To Break a Sweat on a Regular Basis
Memorize this: Exercise equals fuel. "Working out gives you the energy you need to get everything else done," says Nicholas
DiNubile, M.D., a sports medicine consultant and author of Framework. "It boosts circulation, triggers endorphin release,
and improves sleep, all of which translates to more get-up-and-go." Skipping the gym just makes life harder. How to make it
happen? "Take note of the times during the previous month when you did manage to squeeze in a workout," advises Julie
Morgenstern, a time-management expert and author of Never Check E-Mail in the Morning. "Then block out three similar
time slots and declare yourself unavailable to anyone." That may take hiring a babysitter or a housekeeper. Before you decide
you can't afford it, consider that making the time to exercise will pay off in more energy to devote to your quest for the
corner office.
Holding Their Liquor
WOMEN
At any given bar, chances are the person trying to lead the entire room in a sing-along of "Everybody Wang Chung Tonight"
is your boyfriend, not you. Kentucky University researchers found that men's loss of inhibition is three times greater than
women's, even when their blood alcohol levels are the same. "The fact that women report feeling sedated after drinking,
while men feel stimulated, leads me to believe that male and female brains may respond to alcohol differently," says study
author Mark Fillmore, Ph.D. He also points out that men are socialized to be rowdy and careless when drinking, whereas
women are warned to be on guard.
To Drink to Your Health
Drinking one alcoholic beverage a day can benefit the heart and circulatory system. So chin-chin! But any more and the
drawbacks outweigh the benefits. To stick to a serving of booze when you're out for hours, try ordering a full-bodied red
wine, like a cabernet, says Jennifer Vimbor, R.D., a New York nutritionist. "The strong flavor lets you sip slowly, and you
get the health benefits of antioxidants," she says.
Staying Happy
MEN
Women have about twice the rate of depression men do. Call it the curse of connectedness. "In our society women are more
emotionally involved in relationships and therefore more negatively affected by other people's problems and tragedies," says
Ronald Kessler, Ph.D., a professor of health-care policy at Harvard Medical School.
To Ward Off Big Woes
"When something bad happens it's normal to feel down about it," says Dr. Kessler. But if you're prone to bigger blues, you
can reduce the odds of becoming clinically depressed by not biting off more than you can chew, socially or at work. "When
you repeatedly try to do too much, you become overwhelmed," Dr. Kessler says. "That feeling can spiral into a sense of
helplessness that leads to clinical depression." It's better to underestimate the number of errands you can run in a day, not to
pick up the phone when a needy friend calls again, and to ask for — even demand — help when you need it. Accept this and
you'll be happier than you would trying to be superwoman.
Lording Over the Office
IT'S A TIE
A 2000 Gallup poll found that about 75 percent of workers rate their boss "excellent" or "good," regardless of whether that
person is male or female. But the sexes win their staffs over differently. A woman's nurturing and listening skills "raise staff
morale and improve communication," Dr. Fisher says. When it's time to close the deal, men prevail. "Men are less likely to
consider everyone's input, but because they tend to be more action-oriented and direct, they're often better at getting things
done," she says.
To Be a Better Boss
Get to the bottom line faster. "[Know] exactly what you want to accomplish before you walk into a meeting, as well as your
stance on the issues," says Deborah Kolb, Ph.D., a gender expert and author of Everyday Negotiation. "And don't let the
conversation veer off course. Let people make their point but then move on quickly." The best way to cut someone off
midsentence is to say her name, according to Jacqueline Whitmore, author of Business Class. Then, thank her for the great
input and steer right back to the original issue.
Enduring Traffic Jams
MEN
That middle finger sticking out of the Volvo in the next lane is probably a manicured one. A Central Michigan University
study of 97 professional men and women found that as women moved up the ladder they were more likely to experience
road rage. The opposite was true of guys. Women may have less patience for people who get in their way because they've
had to overcome so many other obstacles, says study author Nancy Herman, Ph.D.
To Not Get Driven Crazy
Sip peppermint tea or sprinkle cinnamon on your latte (caffeine not required). Researchers at Wheeling Jesuit University
found that drivers exposed to puffs of cinnamon or peppermint — which have calming effects on the central nervous system
— remained alert but reported less frustration. Another option? "Do something completely incompatible with your anger,"
says Diane Nahl, Ph.D., coauthor of Road Rage and Aggressive Driving. Sounds ridiculous, but making funny animal noises
— baa, meow — will defuse frustration. Really.
Reading People's Minds
WOMEN
Females communicating are like fish swimming — we're hardwired for it. "More areas of the female brain are devoted to
processing and producing language than the male brain," says David Geary, Ph.D., professor of psychological sciences at the
University of Missouri. For example, guys use only one hemisphere of their brains when listening, while women use both. So
we're much better at picking up subtle changes in voice tone and body language that reveal how someone is feeling. Men can
and do tune in — it just takes more effort.
To Talk To a Man With a Short Attention Span
Geary suggests: 1) Announce you have something important to say so he'll make more of an effort to listen. 2) Keep it short.
3) Do something that illustrates your point — for example, demonstrating how to hang up a wet towel, instead of leaving it
on the floor. 4) If it's an emotional issue, talk while driving or walking — men often have an easier time communicating if
they're engaged in another activity. 5) Sit next to him — a direct stare can whip a guy's inner caveman into a panic.
Assembling IKEA Furniture
IT'S A TIE
In labs around the country, gender specialists have put men and women through problem-solving tests that look something
like the SAT of your worst nightmare. The results? Turns out that men have superior spatial relation skills that make it much
easier for them to rotate three-dimensional objects in their heads, according to Doreen Kimura, Ph.D., psychologist and
author of Sex and Cognition. But when it comes to tasks requiring fine motor skills, like carefully inserting small pegs into a
board, women rock. Put the skill sets together and what do you have? A HENSVIK bookcase for $49.99!
To Not Kill Each Other While Assembling Furniture
The fact that women are better at reading between the lines is directly related to how much you want to strangle your
significant other while working on a complicated project. "You'll be holding two boards together and your partner will fail to
see what seems obvious to you — you need the f-ing glue!" says Kathy Marshack, Ph.D., author of Entrepreneurial Couples.
"But he can't read your mind." To keep from getting pissed at him, remind yourself that there's another, bigger goal: having a
good time together. The next time he puts an entire desk together upside down, just point and laugh.
Remembering What Happened
WOMEN
Especially if it gets under our skin. In a study at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, researchers used an MRI
to monitor the brains of men and women while they viewed negative images (dismembered bodies) or neutral ones (someone
mowing a lawn). Three weeks later they gave the subjects a pop quiz. Women remembered the emotionally disturbing images
more readily, and no less than nine areas of the female brain lit up while processing those memories. The men rated the nasty
pictures as less upsetting, and only two sectors of their brains activated.
To Forget
Given that the key factor in whether a memory sticks is how emotional it is, the trick to letting an unpleasant one go is to
drain it of emotion. The best way? Talk about it with someone supportive. "It's called habituation, and it's the reason why talk
therapy and group therapy help people get over negative experiences," says Elizabeth Loftus, Ph.D., a memory expert and
professor of psychology and cognitive sciences at the University of California at Irvine. "When you talk about something,
you mentally examine your thoughts and reactions." That helps to transform an emotional memory into something intellectual
and therefore less powerful.
Having An Affair
NEITHER
Nowadays, a two-timing cad is as likely to experience emotional distress and loss of credibility as an unfaithful woman.
"Women are gaining as much power in society as men, so their disapproval resonates," Dr. Fisher says. When a man cheats,
he's considered a creep — cigars and blue dresses, anyone? And now that women are regularly contributing half or more of
the total family income, if a man strays and ruins his marriage, he's just as likely to suffer financial distress. For both men
and women, cheating can lead to total life upheaval.
To Stay Faithful
"[Don't believe] the illusion that love is so rock solid that it doesn't need to be protected," says Jackie Black, Ph.D., a
psychologist in California. Be defensive. "Between initial attraction and taking your clothes off are a million little steps," Dr.
Black says. Each is a chance to consider whether an affair is worth giving up what you already have.
Appeared in the May 2006 issue of Women's Health
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